A Christmas to Remember
by hylianangel300
Summary: 24 years ago Roy mustang watched his parents get killed for 24 years it has been driving him slowly insane and no one knows when Ed spends the night,Roy looses it and in the end is force to come out about his inner demon. summery sucks. rated M for safety


So hello people it's been awhile since I uploaded anything, So this is my first FMA one thats a one shot and of course its Roy mustang centric cause he's my favorite character followed by Ed 3 . So as you read from the description it's going to be Angsty, and rated M just to be safe, for mention of rape, murder and slight cussing enjoy :)

All characters are owned by their respected people and I own nothing

A/N: cookies to the people who know what song I use that Ed sings at the end of the story

* */ () =inner voice

_ = flash back

A Christmas to Remember

By: Hylianangel300

Snow gently fell, as Roy stood by the window of his office watching the first lutenist's dog try to bite the snow that was failing. Roy couldn't help but laugh at the dogs feeble attempts. "Hey Roy!" Hughes said as he came busting through his office door. Roy sighed heavily and responded;

"What do you want? If it's to show me more pictures of your daughter you're dismissed."

"Why do you have to be so harsh Roy, especially since Christmas is only two days away?"

"You know I don't like Christmas, Hughes"

"You don't have to be a scrooge though. Speaking of which why you are so grumpy around the holidays? well you're grumpy all the time but I mean more than usual."

"Does the reason concern you Hughes?" Mustang scowled

"Well, no I was just asking."

"There's your answer."

"Hey Hughes! Mustang." Ed said as he entered Roy's office. And plopped down in mustangs couch.

"I thought I told you to-" before Roy could finish Hughes Quickly jumped in.

"Hey Ed, want to see my new pictures of Elysia!"

"Uh...maybe some other time," Ed shook both of his hands in a guilty matter. "So Colonel what were you saying?"

"Never mind fullmetal ...you probably wouldn't listen to me any way" Roy muttered to himself

"Any way, did you here everyone leaving early, because Christmas is two days away. Want to go Christmas shopping with me?" Ed asked.

"No thank you fullmetal."

"Awe comes on."

"I said no"

"Alright, why the hell are you stiff today?"

"Don't pay attention to him Ed, he's just grumpy, because it's Christmas in two days, he doesn't like Christmas."

"Really, who doesn't like Christmas? It's my favorite holiday."

"He doesn't, out of all the years I have known him,"

"If it would get you to leave, I will walk with you that's all, alright?"

"Alright." Roy sighed and grabbed his trench coat and from behind his chair and put it on.

"Are you coming, fullmetal?"

"Right behind ya." Both walked down the hall and through the door in silence. Ed constantly looking up at Roy, trying to read his emotions.

"Why do you keep looking up at me fullmetal? Envious of my looks and charms" Roy said in a cocky manor

Ed glared at him obviously annoyed by that remarks "No, I'm trying to figure out why you hate the holidays so much." Roy sighed

"Well you're not going to figure it out. So its no use fullmetal."

"Oh come on colonel, just tell me." Roy clutched his hand into a fist and punched Ed in the face knocking him to the ground." What the hell Colonel, what was that for?"

"A dog should learn to keep its mouth away of another dog's food, if it doesn't want to get bit." Roy Glared at Ed sitting on the ground. "Now are you going to pry into my business?" he said offering his hand to Ed.

"No for now at least, I'm not going to give up until I do!" Ed in a determined manor, grabbing Roy's hand.

"Your hopeless fullmetal." he said pushing him back on the ground walking away leaving Ed.

"Hey I am not hopeless Mustang! Come back here so I can punch you in the face and see how you like it!" Ed yelled running to catch up with Roy. As they walked through the streets of central city looking at all the shops a people happily shopping and smiling Roy just sighed

" Damn I hate this holiday".

" Awe cheer up colonel, besides its only once a year and you should be happy and not act so cold hearted and unhappy like you usually do all year round"

"Its not because I'm unhappy fullmetal, a solider is suppose to be detached and show no emotion, showing emotion makes you weak, the only time when I don't act so cold hearted as you said is when I'm picking up ladies." Roy smiled " Besides...if you saw what i saw...you would hate this holiday too." Roy muttered to himself looking down at the ground.

" what was that last part colonel?"

" never mind fullmetal" As they walked something caught Ed's attention in a window of a shop.

"Hey colonel looks at this."

"hm,what is it full metal?"

"That looks like my old violin I use to have."

"You play the violin?" Roy questioned

"Yeah, my mom taught me how to play when I was little, I use to play her and Al songs all the time, and when she died and I use to play and sing a song I wrote for Al, but of course when I burned my house down I lost it with everything else. I would like to have one again, I do miss playing it. In any case let's go colonel."

"Roy still stood by the window looking at the violin in the window."

"Colonel you coming?"

"Yeah I Am." they continued walking in silence until Ed said.

"Well here's my stop, thanks for walking with me colonel."

"whatever fullmetal." with that Roy turned around and started walking the other way. As he walked past the store again he stopped and looked at the violin in the window. "Well I do need to get fullmetal something" with that he walked into the store.

Later that night Roy was going through some files on his book self so he could finish up his paper work for the night. Until he came across an old photo album. "Hm, what's this? Roy picked it off the shelf and opened it as soon as he did he dropped it like it was a poisons snake. Roy stared at the album on the floor as his eyes winded in shock _*"mommy wake up! Come on_* "It's just my nerves that's all." Roy said to himself. He slowly picked up the album and stat down on the couch. He picked up the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and began to drink. He opened the album and started to look through it. Memories flooded back from the first five years of his life. "Why did you guys have to die..." he whispered to himself. Roy sighed and put the book down and drifted off into a horrifying nightmare

* * *

><p><em>Mommy, daddy what was that noise?" a young Roy quietly spoke walking down the stairs still half asleep. As he got to the 2nd flight of stairs his eyes widened with horror, his father laid at on the 2nd step covered in blood, his white unblinking eyes staring at Roy. "da-daddy..." he looked over his father's dead body and saw his mom getting violently raped her screams pierced Roy's ears making him freeze with terror. " mommy?..." he said slowly making is way down the stairs.<em>

"_Roy sweetie goes back upstairs" she whispered_

"_Mommy what's happening," he looked up and saw two men one was holding her while the other was on top of her. "st-stop it you two get off of her!" he cried out the two men looked at Roy and the one that held her down came over to Roy, and pistol whipped him on his forehead as he fell down to the ground , the last thing he heard was a gunshot go off. Roy laid there in terror, until the two men left, when they did Roy crawled over to his mom. "Mommy? Mommy wake up." he said shaking her "mommy?" he looked own at his hands that were covered with blood, "MOMMY!"_

* * *

><p>"Mommy!" Roy screamed as he awoke drenched in a cold sweat, his breathing rugged. The sun poked though the curtains of his living room casting a light shadow while temporarily blinding Roy as he looked out the window. "The same dream again..." Roy nearly fell of the couch when he heard a knock on the door. "I'm coming!" Roy yelled as he walked to the door still half asleep, and opened it.<p>

"GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!" Hughes yelled.

"Morning Colonel." Ed said standing behind Hughes.

"What do you two want, it's one of my few days off and I rather spend it alone, plus I have a killer headache."

"We wanted to see if you wanted to go to lunch, then finish up are Christmas shopping want to go? Cause it is Christmas Eve."

"No thank you, I already have my shopping out of the way, and I'm not hungry."

"Alright suite yourself then Roy, let's go Ed."

"Oh by the way Colonel. I'm crashing at your place tonight so I can spend Christmas with you. Since I heard you spend it alone."

"Like hell you are fullmetal."

"Plus 1st lieutenant Hawkeye and Major Hughes say it's a good idea so I am."

"Hughes!"

"Sorry Roy, Riza goes out of town to visit her friend,and I spend it with my darling Eliysia and Garcia. So we thought you should spend it with Ed."

"See you in a few Mustang." Ed said waving. Roy sighed at the thought.

"Well its only one day how bad can it be? Still I dread the fact that he is. at least I have a few hours of peace." Roy shut the door behind him and went to the bathroom to get some Aspirin for his headache then went to the kitchen and rummaged through the back of the pantry shelf to find a bottle of whiskey he placed it on the table and washed the pills down with half of the bottle and laid back down to get some more sleep in, as soon as his eyes closed the nightmare went ramped.

Meanwhile Ed and Hughes were on their way back. "Hey Ed, tonight of tomorrow try to see if you can get Roy to tell you why he hates Christmas."

"Alright, I pretty curious myself actually"

"So Ed what did you get for Roy?"

"Remember, when I asked everyone on Roy's team and friends to give me one or more pictures of them with Roy or just them self's."

"Yeah, what did you do with them?"

"I got a college made out of them, and in the center, it says our family."

"Why did you put our family?"

"Well I consider all of Roy's friends who are my friends. Family. Because were there for each other and I consider Roy's friends to be like his family as well! Cause Hawkeye told me one time that Mustang considers his unit and friends a family. And in my case Hawkeye is like my mother, and Roy's like my dad, and your kind of the crazy uncle,"

"Whys that?"

"Well, you and Roy are practically brothers and you're crazy so yeah."

"That's sweet Ed."

" Yeah, I may not show it to him but I love him like a father and care deeply for him, like I said he's like a dad to me and fills that role, since my real dad is god knows where." As they were approaching Roy's house they heard him screaming. They both ran and bolted through his door and saw Roy on the couch screaming and turning, Ed ran over to him and shook him "colonel Wake up"

"No get your hands off of me" Roy screamed and hit Ed in the face. Hughes jumped in and also started to shake Roy as well

"Roy, buddy come on wake up!"

"Stop it get off of her"

"ROY!" Ed and Hughes yelled. He finally woke up yelling, drenched in sweat and rugged breathing again he sat there staring at the ground

"Roy, are you okay?" Hughes asked worriedly

"Mustang, speak to us." Ed pleaded

Roy just stared into space, and just started crying his eyes out. Ed hugged Roy and let him cry on Ed's shoulder.

"It's not fair, why you were taken away from me, giving them back, merciless god give them back!"

"Colonel..." Ed sighed. After another few minutes Roy Calmed down and spoke

"Fullmetal?" Roy looked up at Ed's worried eyes.

"What was that dream about? You sounded like you were having a really bad nightmare."

"It, was nothing really" he said calmly regaining his usual demeanor

"Like hell it was! We heard you screaming from the freaking house next to yours" Hughes yelled from the kitchen

"Come on Colonel tell us."

"I SAID NO, SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Roy yelled at the both of them.

"Alright..." Hughes sighed and started to look around in the kitchen looking for a glass so he could give some water to Roy, and noticed that there were no dishes from earlier today, which he thought it was odd because Roy never does the dishes. He then looked through Roy's cabinet and fridge and noticed it looked like the food hasn't been touched in a few days, he then saw a bottle on the table with half of its contents gone, Hughes knew Roy always kept a bottle in the kitchen and one on the book shelf

"Roy...when was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know, like two days ago."

"And you drank a half a bottle of whiskey on an empty stomach."

"I also took aspirin for my headache."

"Why the hell haven't you eaten? And worse off you're drinking and taking aspirin, you do know what that can do to you?"

"Yes I do, I only did one time, also you know can't eat, during this time of the year, as Christmas draws closer, I barely eat. I will eat now and again when my body is clawing at my stomach."

"That's not good Roy,"

"Hey Ed, can you make Roy something to eat, I have to get home besides you're staying with him tonight. Hughes said controlling his anger at his best friend

"Alright"

"See ya Roy." Hughes shut the door behind him, and Roy sighed.

"So Roy, what do you want?" Trying to start a conversation with his Superior

"First off, though were out of the office, you still have to call me colonel, and second I'm not hungry, I will eat when I need to. I went a week at one point without eating during the Ishval Civil War. I'll be fine."

"Oh, alright if you say so." Ed said sheepishly, "so Colonel, why do not want to tell anyone about why you hate Christmas so much."

"Because full metal it's none of their business, to know my reasons."

"But still though how bad could it be, for you to hate it so much?"

"Pretty damn bad, far worse than what you and Al went through."

"Oh really" Ed growled "you think your reason is far worse than losing a leg, losing your brothers body then sacrificing an arm for his soul."

"Yes I do, because I had to watch as two people who I loved get slaughtered right in from of my eyes, when I was only five years old!"

"Well we lost our mom! She died right in front of our eyes!"

"Well you couldn't have done anything to save your loved ones, I could! And at least I wasn't stupid enough to commit human transmutation!" Ed growled and punched Roy in the face with his auto mail hand splitting Roy's lip.

"SHUT UP! AL AND I WERE STUPID BACK THEN IF WE KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!"

"YOU STILL DID IT! AND YOU GUYS PAID FOR IT AT LEAST YOURS IS PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT AND YOU CAN GET BY! I CAN'T DO SHIT FOR MY SITUATION BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING THAT WILL FIX IT! I WILL HAVE TO CARRY WHAT I'M FEELING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! SO DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOUR SITUATION WAS FAR WORST EDWARD ELRIC" Roy screamed at Ed, and Ed just stared at Roy for a few minutes then looked away obviously hurt. "I'm sorry Ed...I didn't mean to lose it."

"Sorry for punching you in the face Anyway, so colonel...what happened?"

"I can't, tell you."

"Oh alright, I'm going to go take shower be right back."

Roy went to the downstairs bathroom to clean up his lip that Ed busted, he put on his gloves and carefully cauterized the bleeding wound "fullmetal got me good" Roy looked into the mirror and saw something standing behind him it looked like him only slightly taller and all black but had glowing yellow eyes. Roy stared at the thing, shivers ran up his spine as he heard it speak to him_*it's your fault their dead! You couldn't help them, you watched your mother die, and you didn't even call the police to help them until it was too late. * _

"Shut up, just shut up. It wasn't my fault, I was too scared to move, I-I...I was only five" he said staring at the thing behind him in the mirror

* _But any normal kid would have run back up the stairs, and call the police, then maybe your mother would have been saved._ * the thing whispered.

"Shut up, shut up SHUT UP!" Roy yelled as he punched the mirror and glass shards landed everywhere most got imbedded into his fist and blood started to slowly pour out of the wounds

"Colonel?"

Roy looked over at Ed standing at the threshold of the bathroom

Staring at Roy eyes widened. "Your hand...it's bleeding."

"So it is that what you get for punching a mirror."

"Why did you punch the mirror?"

"You didn't see it? It was right behind me this shadowy thing that looked like me but with glowing eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay? Because you don't look or sound like you are."

"Funny, fullmetal but in all honesty I am" the one thing Roy was practically good at was lying. Roy got down and reached under the sink and pulled out a pair of tweezers and some bandages, took the tweezers then slowly started pulling out the shards of glass; Ed sighed and went to the kitchen to find him some food. As Roy was finishing up cauterizing the wounds and bandaging leaving the finer tips open so he can use alchemy. Then the shadowy thing appeared again in front of him Roy looked up and his eyes grew wide * _I'm not a real person Roy, you can't hurt me or destroy me that easily, I live in your mind and torture you every year, your imagining it me as a physical being right now, your losing it Roy, your losing it." *_

"SHUT UP!"

"Roy are you okay?"

"Ed do you see it?'

"See what? I don't see anything"

"Right in front of me."

"Colonel? Do you need to talk about something? Cause your starting to scare me."

"I'm going to go out for a few hours make our self at home." Roy said as he finished wrapping his hand, he got up picked up his trench coat off of the floor.

"Uh, thanks see ya Colonel." Roy walked out the door and down the street to a nearby park where he usually goes to think. As Roy walked down the streets he saw families outside playing in the snow with their 's nearly broke out into tears, as a memory came flooding back

* * *

><p>"<em>Mommy daddy, come one lets go outside and play it's snowing!" a young Roy yelled looking outside the window at the snow.<em>

"_Alright darling hold on a second" his mom smiled at him putting on her Roy's father did the same._

"_Come on you guys read yet?"_

"_I'm son, your mothers not, come on honey, the snows not going to bite" Roy busted out laughing at his dads comment_

"_Very funny, boys. I'm ready now." Roy smiled and ran out the front door and plopped down in the snow and started to create snow angels. When his dad came out side Roy tackled him, playing along his father fell to the ground. _

"_Hey Roy want to help your mom and me build a snow man?"_

"_Yeah I do!" Roy created a small snow ball and was pushing it around in the snow; when it came too big to push on his own his dad helped him out. After three hours passed and there snow man was complete _

"_That's a pretty big snowman." his dad commented _

"_Yeah! He's probably the biggest one we ever built!"_

"_Come on boys lets go inside, I'll make some hot chocolate for you guys."_

"_Coming mom!" Roy yelled and ran inside._

"_So Roy are you looking forward to Christmas tomorrow?"_

"_You bet I am it's my favorite and the best holiday ever!"_

_he yelled and hugged his dad " I love you"_

_" I__ love you too Roy."_

* * *

><p>Roy kept walking until he got to Hughes's house; he stopped out front looking at Hughes, Gracia and Elysia.<p>

"Uncle Roy!" Elysia yelled as she ran up to too him giving him a hug, Roy got down and picked her up.

"Good afternoon Roy."

"Good afternoon to you too Gracia"

"Hey Roy what are you doing here, whoa what happened to your hand and lip?"

"Long story anyway I was on my way to the park, to do some thinking, and I was passing by when Eylsia saw me.

"Oh come on honey, Uncle Roy has some where to go."

"Okay" she said as Roy was putting her down.

"Bye Uncle Roy."

"See ya later Roy"

"See ya" Roy said good bye and continued on his way.

Roy sat down on a bench in the park, and closed his eyes as soon as he did the image of that thing appeared. Roy quickly shot open his eyes and didn't see anything. He heard someone walking towards him so he quickly threw up his hand in snapping position so he can be ready if he needed to use his alchemy.

"Whoa, Roy it's me."

"Sorry Hughes. Did you follow me?'

"Yes I did I'm worried about you, anyway what happened to your lip and hand?"

"Fullmetal and I got into a fight and he punched me with his automail arm. And my hand I punched through a mirror."

"...Why did you punch your hand through a mirror?"

"Because. You're going to think I'm crazy when you hear this. But...I saw this thing behind me?"

"What type of thing?"

"Well...it looked like me but all shadowy and had glowing yellow eyes, and it was talking to me blaming me for what happened when I was a child."

"What happened?"

" It doesn't matter, so I freaked out cause I thought if I destroyed the mirror it would leave me alone, so I punched though the mirror."

"Oh, Roy I think you really need to talk about this to someone a professional or anybody, I hate to tell you but you're seriously unstable right now, and I'm scared that you may do something reckless that could put you or others around you in danger."

"Are you saying I'm mentally ill Hughes...?"

"I don't know Roy, I honestly don't know, I'm just telling you the truth and you need to talk to someone about what's bothering you."

"I see..."

"Please consider talking Roy, it will make you feel better. I have to go see you later Roy."

"Bye." Roy looked up into the sky and mumbled to himself "maybe I am crazy..."

A few hours later back at Roy's place, Ed just got back from getting a tree and setting it with all the decorations he transmuted "I hope he likes it?" When Roy walked through the door.

"Ed...What is a tree doing in my house?"

"I thought it could use some Christmas spirit, that's all."

"Get it out of my house."

"No just leave it up for tonight and tomorrow then you can take it down. Alright?"

"Fine" Roy said angrily lighting a fire in the fire place with a snap of his fingers. "If you need me I'm going to lie down for a while."

"Alright dinners going to be at six, you don't have to eat if you don't want to, just come down and spend the time with me."

"Fine fullmetal now shut up."

"Roy I wish you could tell me what's bothering you..." Roy got up to his room and collapsed on the bed he laid on his back and just stared at the ceiling the memories kept flooding his mind. " Tonight makes 24 years."

*_24 years of pain, and suffering, 24 years of guilt, 24 years ago you killed them...* _No I didn't, It wasn't my fault, I was unconscious I couldn't do anything." *_You could have saved them, all it too was for you to go back upstairs like mommy told you to do and call the police, if you did your mother would still be around.* "_Stop torturing me, please stop torturing my mind leave me alone!"

_*Ha-ha you make me laugh, I can't go away I'm your guilt I'm always with you, I nearly made you commit suicide back in Ishval, every little thing you do wrong, I'm there to torture you.*_

Roy curled up into a little ball and just laid there shivering trying to get the hissing voice to leave him alone he looked over and in the corner of his room the figure was standing there glaring at him _* your losing it more and more Roy, you slowly driving yourself insane_* . He then quickly ran into the bathroom as a wave of nausea hit him, he started to throw up in the sink, as his nerves were getting the best of him. After ten minutes Roy heard Ed's voice call up stairs.

"Roy dinners ready!"

"Huh, alright I'm coming." he washed his face off in cold water along with washing his mouth out. As Roy went down stairs he saw dinner looked pretty good. Two plates of stir-fry were sitting at opposite ends of the table.

"Wow Fullmetal it looks pretty good."

"Are you going to eat tonight?

"Yeah I think I will."

"That's great Roy." Roy sat down and picked up a fork and started to eat. Dinner was eaten mostly an awkward silence. Ed had trouble starting a conversation with him.

"It's funny colonel."

"What is fullmetal?"

"We really rarely any conversation outside the office, if we do they only last a few minutes or its work related."

"What so funny about that."

"It's funny because now I'm here with you and we can't hold a conversation"

"If this is your attempt to start one, you're failing fullmetal."

"Shut it colonel bastard."

"What did I say you were supposed to call me?"

" Sorry, shut it Colonel."

"Better." after dinner, Roy went to go restart the fire as Ed put presents under the tree. Roy sat down on the recliner, as Ed sat down on the couch, when he noticed an album hidden under some newspapers. Ed picked it up and looked through it, he smiled to see Roy as a young child with his parents, and the album covered all the fun times Roy had. " He looks just like his mother." as he continues he gets to the last picture taken on Christmas eve under it reads Christmas 1890, then it stops. Ed thought it was odd that is stopped then Ed remembered what Roy said to him earlier today.

*_...Yes I do, cause I had to watch as two people who I loved dearly, the only two people who I absolutely loved, get slaughtered right in from of my eyes, when I was only five years old!" *_ Ed eyes widened in horror when he had another flash back when he heard Roy screaming earlier when they came back from lunch _" get off of her!...it's not fair, why were you taken away from me, give them back, merciless god give them back!_" Roy turned around and saw Ed looking through the album Roy's eyes narrowed "give it to me Edward... hand me the book." Roy growled glaring at Ed

"Colonel...did something happen to your parents on this night"

"It's none of your business, now hand me the book, that's an order."

"Not until you tell me what happened to your parents Colonel."

"Give me the book, or I will burn you fullmetal that not an empty threat" he said putting on his flame ignition gloves with the flame alchemy symbol sown on the back facing Edward. Ed never saw Roy looked so mad before, his narrowed eyes and small pupils glared at Ed fiercely like an animal cornering its prey.

Ed quickly ran outside putting the book in his coat. Roy followed him. Ed got to the end side of his yard and turned around to see Roy glaring fiercely at him.

"I'm going to count to three fullmetal if you don't me the book by god I will burn you until you do."

"1...2..." Ed still held his ground,

"No I'm not giving you this book"

"Your choice" Roy snapped his fingers and Ed quickly transmuted metal barrier between the flames and him. Roy wouldn't stop, left; right, left, right little sparks at his finger tip flew at the metal barrier then burst into a full-fledged fiery explosion Roy.

"Colonel, please stop!" Ed cried

"NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE ME THAT BOOK!" he crossed his arms and sent out to spark at once cause a greater explosion

Hughes noticed the flames bursting a few houses down and heard Roy's in anguished Screams.

"Honey I'm going to Roy's' to check on him."

"Oh what's going on?" she looked outside the window and gasped. "What's happening?"

"I don't know but those bursts of flame are scaring me." Hughes didn't even grab his coat he just ran out the door and bolted down the road. When he got to Roy's house his eyes widened. He had never seen Roy so angry before in all the years her known him. Sparks flew at the barrier fast as lighting. Hughes looked over behind the barrier to see Ed sitting behind the barrier with his back facing it "Roy what's going on!"

"You can't hold the barrier for ever fullmetal, I will knock it down!"

"Come on Colonel Snap out of it, please" Ed cried

"GIVE ME THE BOOK AND I WILL STOP!"

"NO! YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT UNTIL YOU TELL ME, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR PARENTS!"

"IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU, NOW GIVE UP!" Roy lifted up both of his arms and crossed them then waited awhile then sent both spark to hit the barrier and when it was a few inches away the sparks exploded to made bomb size ball of flame, and the barrier exploded. Ed quickly covered his head luckily nothing hit him. Roy then slowly walked over to Ed on the ground Ed sat and looked up as he met Roy's dark gaze. Roy was panting his eyes slanted with blood thirsty rage look "Give it to me, your defenses broken, you can't protect yourself."

" Colonel, I only doing this so you can talk about what happened I want to help you, this event has been bothering you for the past 24years, now please colonel I will give it to you if you if you just open up."

"I will never open up!"

"Go ahead Roy...hurt me if you must, just know it's not going to help your conquer your inner turmoil."

"As you wish fullmetal" Roy raised his hand then Hughes ran over to Roy and grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"Roy don't!"

"Let me go!" Roy yelled breaking his arm free of Hughes's hold, Hughes didn't give Roy time to react then quickly grabbed both of Roy's hands and put them behind his back. "Damn t Hughes let me go, that's an order, I'm a Superior officer so you have to listen to me!"

"No Roy that's one order I not going to follow, please calm down and talk, if yourparents were here what would they say?" Roy eyes widened, at his comment Hughes let him go and Roy fell to his knees, as his eyes started to water. "Roy, I know you haven't cried about whatever the hell is bothering you much, you always keep these feelings inside of you and they hurt you Roy and drive you insane. You rarely cry this afternoon was the first time I saw you cry in a long while. You put up a barrier and don't let anyone in to help you. Roy all barriers crack and break and you need people there to pick up the pieces." Roy just stared at the ground/Ed crawled over to him and hugged him.

"It's okay to cry colonel, crying does not make weak it only makes you human. All grown men do colonel at some point, just let it all out." Roy stared at the ground even more chocking back sobs until all of a sudden he just screamed and looked at the sky as tears flowed freely down his face, and sobbed heavily, Ed hugged him tighter and Hughes got down on his knees and hugged Roy

"It's not fair... that they had to be ripped from my life!"

"It's okay Colonel...its okay" Ed said rubbing Roy's back. It broke ends heart to see Roy in this state, to see Roy actually being human for once instated of his usual cold hearted demeanor. After a while Roy's heart wrenching sobs and screams became soft until they died. "colonel do you want to talk about it?"

"...Yes, I think I need to."

"Alright, let's go back inside" Ed picked up the album and Hughes helped Roy inside since his knees were so weak. Roy settle downed on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Colonel, what happened that night?"

"Well...it started out like any other Christmas Eve, mom and I would bake cookies and drink hot chocolate once we came back from playing in the snow...and dad would crack jokes. He was quit a funny man, he always knew how to cheer me up. Then that night came...

* * *

><p>"<em>Come on honey time for bed." Roy's mother said to Roy who was lying on the couch reading Christmas stories with his dad. "I'm coming mom." Roy said yawning<em>

"_The sooner you get to sleep the sooner you can open your presents."_

"_I know but I'm to excite to sleep." Roy said yawning_

"_Sure you are honey, now come on. Daddy and I will tuck you in." _

"_Come on sport, I'll give you a piggy back ride. His father said getting down on his knees to let Roy hop on. Roy ran and jumped on to his father's back smiling widely , Roy's father stood up and carried him up the stairs and placed him on Roy's bed and tucked him in underneath the covers._

"_Good night Roy, we will see you tomorrow. Get some sleep honey" she said sitting in his bed patting his head._

"_Alright Mommy."_

"_Good night son, sweet dreams." Roy's father said giving Roy a kiss on his head._

"_Good night daddy, mommy I love you."_

"_We love you too Roy."_

* * *

><p>"I can't finish this...story it's too painful" he said standing up and moved to the fire place resting his head on the mantle more tears came flowing out of his eyes.<p>

"Please Roy...you need to tell us"'

"Colonel please...we beg you , finish this so you can feel better."

"It's funny; you're the only two who will know..."

"Wait, Hawkeye doesn't even know?" Ed said surprised

"No I never told anyone, like I said it is a very personal story of mine."

"But still though, you lived with her for a few years and she never asked why you hated so much?"

"She did ask a few times, but she never pestered me about it like you two did."

"Oh..."Ed said looking down.

"Well I guess I better get back to the story" he took a deep breath and sighed taking a giant swig of whiskey to calm his nerves

"Well after about a few hours after I fell asleep I woke up to a strange noise..."

* * *

><p>"<em>Mommy, daddy?" Roy awoke as he heard breaking glass down stairs and his I'm screaming<em>

"_Stay back, what do you want?_

"_Mom" Roy whispered as he got out of bed tiptoeing to the door, quietly he open it hoping it wouldn't make a creek. He heard his mother scream even louder as he went down the hall way, he froze in his tracks when a gun shot went off, his eyes widened and swallowed hard as droplets of sweat formed on his brow. Fear gripped him by the arms and legs but he slowly continued down the hall. He groped his way around in the dark until he saw the light emitting from down stairs, as tiptoed down the flights of stairs. _

_As he reached the bottom of the first flight, he silently gasped. His father laid there on the steps covered in blood his blank white eyes staring at Roy. Roy stood there in shock and quietly whispered _

"_Daddy?" he walked down the stairs trying not to make a sound, and got beside him and shook him violently trying to get him to wake up. "Come on dad. You have to get up..." he cried, staring at his dad's body, until he heard his mom scream. He looked over the body and saw a man holding her down while another was on top of her, thrusting into her, she screamed in agony Roy couldn't keep it to himself, he screamed "MOM!" the two men looked over at Roy who was standing on the floor right in front of the steps. _

"_Roy sweetie go back upstairs, and call the police."_

"_Shut it bitch." one of the men said hitting her square in the jaw. Roy just stood frozen, _

"_St-stop it leave her alone!" he managed to yell. The man who was holding her got up and walked over to Roy. Roy started to slowly back up and trip going up one of the step, Roy's eyes widened as he stared up at the gruff looking man. _

"_So the little brat, thought he can defend his mommy, well you're not so tough now are our boy, look he's scared shitless, well now that you've seen us, we will just have to kill you, one pistol whip to the head should do the trick." The man took a gun out and held it so the but if the gun was facing Roy. Roy felt like running and calling the police but he couldn't move, his entire body paralyzed with fear. He closed his eyes he heard the gun swoop and hit him directly on the forehead. Roy screamed and cried harder as he put his hand to his head and fell something war and sticky run though his hands. Roy couldn't help it a few seconds later his eyes slowly closed and he fell down the stair and landed on the floor the last thing he heard was a gunshot go off._

_ An hour later Roy woke up and noticed the two men were gone. He looked over and saw his mother lying there not moving. _

"_Mom..." Roy whispered to her, but he got no response, "mommy?" Roy said as he crawled over to her. He started shaking her " Come on mom wake up, you have to..." he started shaking her even more rapidly until he felt something warm in his hands he looked down and saw a pool of blood and blood staining his hands. Roy started to cry "mommy, please answer Me." He got no response from her Roy laid his head on her and started hysterically sobbing._

* * *

><p>After a few minutes I heard a knock on the door, I woke up and opened the door some on called the police because they saw two men sneaking out of my house. I remember I wasn't allowed to see my parents. as they brought them out in body bags I was standing with my aunt who the police called. I still remember seeing them my dad laying there covered in blood and his eyes..and my mom laying there in a giant pool of blood . So every year after that. Around this time that night would haunt me for years later.<p>

"You guys happy now?" Hughes and Ed just sat there in silence.

"Colonel...I'm sorry"

"It's okay fullmetal."

"No it's not okay, you bastard, you should have, talked to someone then it wouldn't have driven you almost to the point of insanity!" Ed choked back tears

"Fullmetal you know I don't open up to people."

"BUT YOU NEED TO STOP SHUTTING OFF YOUR FEELINGS AND LET PEOPLE IN TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU NEED IT I CARE ABOUT YOU DAMN T ROY, I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE LIKE THE FATHER I NEVER HAD" Ed said crying. Roy just looked at the ground.

" That was the worst type of thing you can ever imagine seeing... watching your mom get brutally raped her screams echoing though out the house as the violated her and seeing your father laying on the steps dead, and there was nothing you could do!" he said eyes starting to tear up again.

"Roy what happened,happened and it was awful, but you need to let go of the past and stop beating yourself up about it, it wasn't your fault they died, it was the bastards who killed your parents fault. You were only five Roy I'm sure the people who did this are serving time."

" they are not... the police never caught them, these bastards are still out there...and there's still wanted, they killed others besides my parents as well." Roy growled

"What?"

"yeah the worst part is, the police gave up searching...so secretly I have been searching for them, I want to make them pay so every Christmas eve I go out and look for them,"

"What would you do if you did run into them?"

"What's the one weapon I have on my all the time?"

"You have your ignition gloves so...you wouldn't kill them using your alchemy would you?"

"May be depends on the situation. Now if you would excuse me I have to go." Roy said regaining his composer he put on his teach coat, and his ignition gloves and walked through the door."

"I'm scared Hughes."

"So am I Ed"after a few moments of silence Ed spoke up/

"Hey I have an idea"

"What?"

"Why don't I call everyone who is close to Roy and have they come over tomorrow."

"Why Ed?"

"To show Roy though his parents are gone, he has a family. It's us, we are his family."

"That's a good idea Ed. well I better get back before Gracia worries about me. See ya tomorrow Ed." Hughes said leaving. Ed found Roy's contact book and started to make calls.

Roy walked down the darkened streets and alley ways located in central city, his eyes glowed with determination, to find them "today's the year I find those bastards" Roy smiled and thought of his plan to kill them " first I will create a wall of fire so they can't escape then slowly burn the to death. As they beg for me to stop" as he kept on walking he heard something lurking in the shadows close to him. He readied his hand in his pocket to strike if need be. Then he heard a scream coming from the next ally over "No let me go, please don't!" Roy ran to the ally and skidded to a halt when he saw two men attacking a young girl. "Where you going pretty lady?"

"Why don't you stick around and have some fun." the two men grabbed her and wrestled her to the they started to remove her clothes. Roy stood in fear as he thought back to that night his mother's screams echoed in his mind, _(why aren't you helping her Roy? The same thing happened to your mother you're going to let an innocent girl die too")_

"NO!" Roy screamed and bolted over the men wildly shooting sparks at the two offenders. They got up and bolted but Roy created a wall of fire to block them. The girl looked at Roy who stopped right in front of her. "Are you alright mam?" he said getting down to her level

"Yes I am thank you, kind sir thank you" she said eyes tearing up as she got up and ran the other way. Roy approached the two men standing by the the wall. "You bastard you ruined are fun"

"Oh really, sucks to be you then." he said in his cocky manor

"you're a dead man" the one guy said as he ran over to drawing a knife as the guy lunged towards Roy as he did Roy grabbed him by the wrist and ducked under the man and let the momentum of the guy carry him the rest of the way as he hit the ground with a thud. Roy put his foot on the man's chest. Roy's eyes widened with shock as he gazed upon the man's face.

"You..." Roy growled "It was you who killed my mother!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You don't remember, you and your friend broke into my house on Christmas Eve killed my father, brutally raped my mother and killed her 24 years ago!"

"Bull shit. Even if I did I never remember the people who I kill." Roy eyes narrowed and pulled the guy up to his face and yelled

"Look into my eyes you bastard, see if you remember the five year old boy who saw your crime!" as the thug did and his eyes widened

"It is you, you're the little bastard who wouldn't listen to your mommy when she told you to go call the police.I should thank you though you let us roam free for 24 years so in the end you helped us commit more crimes, I should have made sure you were dead." Roy growled and burned the guys toung, the thug screamed in sheer pain

" How dare you say that, how do you like having your toung boil inside you mouth! and I did die my life as a child died on that night 24years ago! Now I'm going to make you pay for the pain and suffering I have been though," Roy got off of him and snapped his fingers in a second the guy body was alight, his screams of agony as his fleshed burned was music to his ears. The other guy looked at Roy watching his friends body burn,

"You sick bastard, what the hell did you do?" the other guy yelled pulling out a gun, Roy turned and looked over at him,

" Its called flame alchemy and Really now a gun? You think you can kill me with a gun? Go ahead fire I guarantee you won't hit me."

The thug did and as soon as the trigger was pulled Roy sent out a spiral of flame and the bullet melted and the rest of the stream struck the guy straight in the chest he screamed as his body fell into the wall of fire. Roy just stood there and watched the bodies burned as the bodies became ashes; he turned and walked away from the scene, satisfied by what he did. As he reached his house he slowly opened the door as he entered the room he saw Ed sprawled out on the couch reading.

"Oh colonel your back, have any luck?"

"Actually I did full metal, I found them, and got my revenge." he said smirking while taking off his coat

"Colonel...you didn't do you?" Ed eyes widened

"Yes I did, I killed them, after I saved a young girl from being raped, by them."

"What did you do to them, I want to know." Ed said sternly

"I simply just burned them alive until there was nothing but ashes left."

"colonel, you murdered them, why the hell didn't you turn them into the police?"

"Simple they would be hung or rot away in a jail cell, but If I did would never be able to make them pay for what they did to me."

"But you still murdered them. That's almost as bad as committing human transmutation, and you used your alchemy which is even worse, you made a promise to yourself to never use your alchemy to harm anyone unless you need to. You broke that promise. Killing them isn't going take away the pain of what happened."

"You don't understand fullmetal...you will never understand!" he said trying to hold back the flood of guilt starting to slowly seep through the crack of his breaking his emotionless facade.

"You think your parents would be happy colonel? if the knew what you did in the sake of pure revenge in their names? I'm sure they would not have wanted to murder the people who harmed you." Roy thought for a second then the facade broke he slid down to his knees and said

"Oh god, what the hell I have I just done...I'm a monster Ed a monster!"

"No you're not colonel, you're not a monster." Ed sat down next to him and hugged him "You are far from one, it's a horrible thing what they did, they took the two people you loved most. But in the end look at the man you became. You're a strong, powerful, loyal, trustworthy, protective and caring person. Because you don't want to lose anyone close to you again. You would sacrifice your life for a fellow friend or solider because you care about them, a monster would never do that, I'm sorry what I said earlier...you did save that girl from being raped and killed after all. I'm Sorry..." Roy looked over at Ed and hugged him back.

"You're a good kid Edward, I may scold you when you do something stupid and reckless, but I do it because I love you. You and Al you're like my sons. Do you want to know why I didn't arrest you the day I saw you for committing human transmutation."

"Why?"

"One reason was because your alchemical skills were astonishing and survived a rebound of the transmutation, but the other reason was because all you wanted to do is bring your mother back for the grave so you wouldn't be alone, when I saw you in that wheel chair and saw your eyes, you reminded me of myself right after I lost my parents. I sympathized with you, and I knew you would join the military as an state alchemist If I offered it to you. When I found out you passed the state alchemist test I requested you to be put in my command and only mine, and I promised Riza that I would look out for you boys no matter what happens."

"Is that true?" Ed questioned

"Yes it is Edward." Roy send Ed both smiled. "Well it's late and I'm exhausted."

" I'm sure you are colonel you have had quite a night, I'm glad you talked to major Hughes and me about what happened and told me what you did."

"You can call me Roy outside the office if you wish. And so am I fullmetal you guys were right talking did help."

"Alright then, glad to hear you say that Roy." Roy and Ed walked up the stairs and each reached there respected rooms, as soon as Roy's head hit the pillow for the first time in 24 years Roy had truly peaceful sleep the heavy burden that was constantly on him disappeared when the barriers fell within his mind

"GOOD MORNING ROY, MARRY CHRISTMAS!" Ed yelled busting through Roy's door."

"Merry Christmas to you too Ed...What time is it?" Roy said groggily sitting up in his bed.

"It's noon, come on and get dressed I have a surprise for you downstairs." Ed said leaving his room. Roy got up and walked over to his closet and threw on his military pants and a button up shirt. After a quick comb through his hair, Roy walked down stairs as he did, his eyes widened with shock to see everyone from his team along with Hughes, Gracia and Elisa and Al standing next to Ed"

"What are you all doing here?"

"I called everyone last night when you went out. And you can kill me if you want to but I told them what happened to your parents." Roy stood in silence, and looked down.

"Colonel I'm sorry to hear that happened. Big brother and I know how it feels"

"Roy" Riza spoke "I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you we all are, to lose both of your parents in front of your eyes. If there is anything we can do to help lets us know."

"Yeah colonel, you can count on us to help ya out, were a team and teams look out for each other." havoc said smiling

"Thanks guys this really means also to me." Roy said smiling as he walked the rest of the way down the stairs and settled on his recliner.

"Now let's stop moping and get Christmas started." Ed yelled enthusiastically. As the afternoon went on and every one sat around opening presents and laughing and cracking short jokes at Ed's expense and laugh at Ed's responses. Ed got up and from behind the tree he picked up a large rectangular present. And handed it to Roy.

"What's this Ed?"

"It's my present to you Roy. I thought I save it for last."

"Thank you Ed, but before I open mine I have something for you."

"Wait, you do?" Ed said surprised

"Yeah it's upstairs I will be right back." Roy said as he was walking the stairs Ed stood there wondering "I wonder what he got me, probably an alchemy book."

"Far from one fullmetal." Ed turned around and saw Roy holding a case, Ed's eyes widened when he handed him the case,

"You got me the violin..." Ed said tearing up, "thank you Roy this means a lot to me"

"Why don't you play us a song Ed?" Hughes asked

"Yeah Fullmetal, what about that song you told me about that you wrote for Al?"

"Alright, Al do you mind if I do?"

"Of course not big brother I would love to hear it again."

"Alright then" Ed opened the case and after tuning it he put the instrument up to his chin and started to play and sing. _"How can I repay you, brother mine? How can I expect you to forgive? Clinging to the past I shed our blood, and shattered your chance to live, though I knew the laws, I paid no heed how can I return your wasted breath? What I did_ not_ know has cost you dear, For there is no cure for death Beautiful Mother, Soft and sweet, once you were gone We were not complete Back through the years We reached for you Alas t'was not meant to be And how can I make amends for all that I took from you? I led you with hopeless dreams, My brother, I was a fool" _

The melody of Ed's song played through the room everyone just sat in wonder at the soothing score. "_ Don't cry for the past now, brother mine Neither you nor I are free from blame Nothing can erase the things we did, For the path we took was the same ,Beautiful Mother, Soft and sweet, once you were gone We were not complete, Back through the years We reached for you Alas t'was not meant to be My dreams made me blind and mute I longed to return to that time, I followed without a word My brother, the fault is mine So, where do we go from here? And how to forget and forgive? What's gone is forever lost Now, all we can do is live." _as the song ended and Ed bowed with tears in his eyes. Along with everyone else.

"Oh my god Ed, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard." Riza said wiping tears from her eyes.

"Wow Ed I never knew you has such musical talent"

"Yeah kid that was intense."

"Thank you, what did you think Roy? Roy..." Ed looked over at Roy who was sitting in the recliner with his head down "Roy are you okay?" he looked up at Ed with tear stained eyes

"Yeah Ed...That song you sang and your playing was just simply amazing it really got to me, it's the most beautiful thing I heard Ed, I'm glad you shared that with us you and Al went through so much these past years I'm happy I can be apart in your lives"

" Thank you Roy, this is the best thing you could have ever given me." he said giving Roy a hug, and Roy just smiled sweetly and returned the hug. "now why don't you open your present."

Roy picked up the present an unwrapped it. When he saw the collage of all his friends at moments in his life he smiled as his eyes started tearing up

"Our family..." he whispered "Ed, I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say a thing, though your parents died, you grew up and you gained a family Roy."

"We are your family, now" Hughes said

"And we always will be" Riza smiled

"No matter what you face or anything we face" Havoc joined in

"We will do it together as a team and a family." Ed finished off. Roy stood up hugged Ed and every one joined in.

"Thank you guys, for being here with me, this is the happiest Christmas I have had in a long time, thank you.."

" You're welcome Roy." the rest of the night dragged on in joy as everyone had dinner, drank,got drunk and enjoyed themselves, dreading that fact they have to work tomorrow. For the first time in 24 years Roy felt truly happy.


End file.
